I'll be on the receiving end, this time
Fast-forward about 35 years or so.
A girlfriend and I were yacking on the phone about a mutual friend of ours who recently joined an Orthodox synagogue after a lifetime as a Conservative Jew, and I could practically see her rolling her eyes right through the phone line.
I told my husband about that conversation, and reminded him that we're already getting flack from friends for even considering joining an Orthodox synagogue, suggesting to him that we'll probably get even more flack if we actually go through with it.
We've already decided that there are limits to how Orthodox we're willing to become. We intend to continue doing partner dances and holding hands with persons of the opposite gender during circle dances when we go Israeli or international folk dancing--we'll reserve shmirat n'giah, the rule against touching a member of the opposite gender who's not a close relative, for synagogue. We also decided that neither of us is sufficiently willing to shove our Orthodoxy into our non-frum friends' faces to cover our heads in their presence. My husband will not wear a kippah to the annual Chanukah party except when we light the chanukiah (Chanukah menorah), and I will not cover my head outside of synagogue.
Given the flack and our discomfort with appearing "frummer than thou," what would induce us to make the switch?
12 Comments:
You really, really need to get out more. You have a skewed view of the Orthodox world. I can tell you that I know plenty of Ortho people who do all the things you refuse to compromise on. Now, they are all on the extreme left end of the Ortho spectrum, but we eat in their houses, our kids play with their kids, etc. Real world orthodox (MO) is far more varied than you could possibly be aware of.
"Real world orthodox (MO) is far more varied than you could possibly be aware of."
Thank goodness.
There seems to be quite a sensitivity when it comes to anything perceived as more conservative (for lack of a better word) than the mainstream of the group. I'm liberal (Reform, actually), and I get flack because I keep a semblence of kosher and actually like to daven daily and close to the proper time and things that are perceived as getting too conservative. Why is that, I wonder? Do people feel threatened?
"Do people feel threatened?"
In a word, yes. That's my husband's theory, at least, and I think it makes sense. I think that, when one person is more observant than another person of the same denomination, that second person may feel guilty and/or judged. And most people don't appreciate being made to feel that what they're doing may not be enough and/or may not be good enough.
Actually, I was originally going to name this post "Truth and Consequences," on the grounds that there are often consequences to telling the truth, but I figured that the reference would be lost on the 90% of blog readers who are younger than I. :)
Techelet,
I can understand that in a Reform context, but I find in strange that in the past, when I used to affiliate Conservative (I am know Orthdox) was given grief and in some cases out and out made fun off for doing things that at least on paper, the Conservative movement says one must do.
Shira,
Seriously, your practices would be completely in line with most of the MO people that I associate with. There certainly are people that don't do those things, but seriously, get out more.
You'd be around where my circle of friends is at... the guys generally where a Kippa socially, most don't wear them to work, some do. Plenty of women in my community throw a doylie on at Shul, Conservative style. Most of the women in my circlecover their hair at Shul, some cover for all of Shabbat, some cover their hair all the time. Amongst the full time coverers, most work in the Orthodox community. The stay at home moms are totally mixed on the full time covering. Those working in the secular world mostly do not cover outside of Shul and/or Shabbat depending.
Plenty of Orthodox women I know seem to be exclusively of the tank top + cropped pants attire (except on Shabbat/Yom Tov), but that might be a regional/age quirk more than a Hashkafic one, it was in the low-mid 80s today...
Miami Al,
I think for a lot of O people, Shabbos observance (or at least public Shabbos observance) is the great equilizer.
In all but the most right wing communities, a woman who is publicly shomer shabbos but wears tanks tops might be viewed as someone who is doing something less than ideal, or at least something that I myself wouldn't do, but she is still viewed as "one of us." While someone who is not publicly careful about Shabbat is kinda viewed as being beyond the pale.
" . . . when I used to affiliate Conservative (I am know Orthdox) was given grief and in some cases out and out made fun off for doing things that at least on paper, the Conservative movement says one must do."
Been there, done that. I still remember the weird looks we got the first time we gave out Mishloach Manot packages. To this day, there are rarely more than two other congregants joining us in this delightful practice.
"Seriously, your practices would be completely in line with most of the MO people that I associate with."
I think your description probably fits the practice of many of the people at our friends' synagogue.
"I think for a lot of O people, Shabbos observance (or at least public Shabbos observance) is the great equilizer."
That's the impression I get as an outsider much of whose information comes from the folks at work and other bloggers. I suspect that, should we choose to join one of the Orthodox synagogues in our friends' neighborhood, we'll be freer to speak our minds among our fellow and sister congregants than I am at work, where we have a lot of "black hats" (including my boss). I still haven't gotten over the time that one of the women from our office Tehillim (Psalms) Group announced, in no uncertain terms, that anyone who didn't believe that G-d had a reason for allowing the Shoah/Holocaust was a heretic. Believe me, I've become very good at keeping my big mouth shut around some of my co-workers--I can't afford to offend anyone if I want to keep my job.
the issue isn't orthodoxy. the issue is you work with stupid, narrowminded people. that has colored your perspective on orthodoxy.
JDub, unfortunately, the Orthodox co-workers with whom I have the most contact and/or the ones who are the most vocal do tend to match your description. Sadly, my favorite sheitel-wearing co-worker retired several years ago.
Jdub you are the one who is wrong, not the coworkers. A woman in a tank top is not Orthodox by definition. She is a watered down version of something but it isnt Orthodoxy. I can also tell you that that same woman would never be invited to anyone's Shabbos table in my community, she'd be shunned, and if she is a mother, her children would have no frum friends to play with. And justly so.
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